11 years ago my life destroyed. After recieved blood result, was informed that i can’t be a soldier anymore, knew my life was destroyed. Yesterday my life been destroyed again for the second time. I shock. I’m high risk patient, HPV positive. Next i just hope i stay away from uterus cancer. I don’t know […]

Read More Destroyed

I’m Not Calm

Hello there. The little joy on my birthday cheer me up a bit, forgot how much i hate birthday, hating getting old. I’m not calm, it just suppress, swept under the carpet, bury my head in the sand. The reality still there. I thought she never die. The monster has passed away, it supposedly to […]

Read More I’m Not Calm

Dairy Entry Jul 18, 2019

Dear diary, Here I’m back. I didn’t sleep. Rolled here and there in the bed whole night struggled to sleep. My mind just blow me up today whole day due to didn’t get proper rest. My mind was racing like circuit pod racers last night, here and there, tried every method just couldn’t fall asleep. […]

Read More Dairy Entry Jul 18, 2019

Diary Entry Mar 17

Dear diary, They can’t fix me. Meds can’t fix me. I still having such thought, the fear never cease to exist in me. I’m 29, tomorrow 39, the days after tomorrow 49. When finally come to 69, I’m not ready yet to face my own death. 79, time is running out. Do you know how […]

Read More Diary Entry Mar 17


Roses are red Violets are blue Sun heat burning bright Sweaty and no more booze My flowers are dead Nice grouper fish soup

Read More Spring