I’m Not Calm

Hello there. The little joy on my birthday cheer me up a bit, forgot how much i hate birthday, hating getting old. I’m not calm, it just suppress, swept under the carpet, bury my head in the sand. The reality still there.

I thought she never die. The monster has passed away, it supposedly to be over but it’s not. It far from over. This is just the beginning of my fear. I don’t want to die. I wasn’t at her side when she died. Never attend the funeral. I couldn’t forgive what she had done to me.

Now i depending on meds to get me sleep. My period get distorted. What happpen to my body? I’m so fat and my weight is 60kg. Seeing myself unable to get back to previous body shape makes me feel so down. Hmm..

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